Writings of a Beholder 🌿 6.28.24
What I'm Leaving Behind & Carrying with Me
I’m all about simplicity these days when it comes to the spiritual life.
I spent years trying to earn the love of God only to realize after some pretty intense deconstruction and healing that Love had been pursuing me all my life, even when I wasn’t paying attention or pursuing Him back.
That’s the definition of grace, isn’t it?
But sometimes I still feel that anxious tug to produce and strive rather than rest in what I already know to be true — that Love can’t be earned, only received.
I’ve had to remind myself of this when it comes to my spiritual life and the practices I engage with that help to ground me in God. I’ve had to learn to pay attention to the season of my soul, notice when that season might be shifting, and let go of certain routines or rhythms in order to move with what my soul needs. Truthfully, I think this will be a lifelong learning process, this holding loosely what I think it looks like to walk with God.
Because ultimately, my job isn’t to set the pace or choose the ‘right’ practices. It isn’t even to know what comes next or understand fully what’s behind me. God’s invitation to me is to let the Spirit lead as I listen for what He might be inviting me into in every season, receiving each day as it comes. The seasons of my life and my soul are always changing, and I’m asked to let go and be changed and formed with them.
Simplicity right now for me looks like holding all things loosely; my plans, questions, longings, and expectations. As I practice surrendering and going with God, I’m noticing an inner peace permeating life within and around me. I’m starting to pay more attention to what needs to take up space in my life right now and what needs to be released. This has become easier as I take an honest step back with the Lord and let Him speak into my life what He’s inviting me to cultivate and what he’s asking me to set down.
As we come to the end of June, I find myself reflecting on this frequently. The end of a day, week, month, or year seems to always invite some sort of contemplation or reflection with the Holy Spirit in my life. I find that these endings sometimes hold answers to questions I’ve been asking myself. Other times, I find that they hold more questions that lead to more arrows rather than a clear destination or answer.
Either way, I believe that any experience not reflected upon is a missed opportunity to draw nearer to God by pointing out where I’ve grown and where I still need to, what has healed and what still hurts, what’s been cultivated and what needs to be weeded out. So, reflecting back on the month I’ve lived and am getting ready to leave behind is an invitation to sift and see where God’s presence was most felt and where He felt most absent.
This is a simple practice I’ve come to look forward to.
I’m reading Emily P. Freeman’s newest book, How to Walk Into a Room, and she dedicates an entire chapter to endings and closures. Without getting into too much detail, she talks about how when we leave certain rooms in our lives, there are things we take with us into the next room and things we leave behind.
As June comes to a close — its own kind of ending — I’m reflecting on what I’m being invited to bring with me into July and what I’m being invited to leave behind in June. I’m choosing to sift through June gently and lovingly as I ask the Holy Spirit to illuminate the answers to these questions. It’s a practice of simplicity as I surrender to the formation process of my Savior and give Him the freedom to point to things in me and around me that no longer have room to take up space in this season and point me toward what needs a closer look.
With that said, today I’d like to share with you one thing I’m leaving behind in June and one thing I’m carrying with me into July. I pray that as I share these honest reflections with you, the Holy Spirit might bring a little clarity to your own soul and life and point to just one thing you can leave behind and one thing you might want to take with you.
May you be patient and kind with yourself as you wait for God to speak.
One Thing I’m Leaving Behind in June
June felt overcrowded to me, and the slow pace I typically savor got a little lost amidst the craziness. I noticed myself numbing the anxiety with technology, seeking to distract what was dry and weary with things that only left me more anxious. I ignored my body’s pleas to lighten the load of my schedule, and I paid the price for it in exhaustion, autoimmune flares, and irritability.
Not creating intentional space in my June days to turn my gaze toward the presence of God left me feeling hollowed out and soul-weary. So, as I get ready to wave goodbye to June, I’d like to leave with her the pressure to say ‘yes’ to everything.
Someone somewhere either wrote or said that ‘no’ is a full sentence. It doesn’t require an explanation and shouldn’t be accompanied by a sense of guilt. Saying no creates space in my life for the things that matter most. Saying no creates more space for my soul to find its breath. Saying no helps me pay more attention to what it is I actually want to say yes to — to the things God is inviting me to give more space to, like time spent in silence and rest in His sweet presence.
In the process of discerning what I can say no to, I’m learning what it is I actually want to give my true yes to. This isn’t easy, but it’s freeing and as I head into July, I’m choosing to listen to my soul and body and lessen my anxiety by lightening my schedule and reprioritizing my life to reflect what’s needed here.
“I am identifying areas in my life where I can find peace in saying ‘no’ and find meaning when intentionally saying ‘yes’.
— Morgan Harper Nichols
One Thing I’m Carrying With Me Into July
Joy.
As I get closer and closer to my due date, I feel hungrier and hungrier for joy. Not the kind that depends on a quick fix or certain circumstances, but the kind that feels intentional and deeply rooted. Truthfully, this season of pregnancy has been marked by a lot of worry and anxiety as a first-time mom and I wasn’t fully prepared for that. It’s highlighted my need for certainty, comfort, and control and I’ve had to face those truths about myself as I let the Lord lovingly and gently unravel them.
Surrender and trust have been a regular practice in my spiritual life over the last almost 9 months, and as I look back I can see how God is slowly forming me through it. I can see how He chose to love me in those moments of fear rather than shame me, and that realization has changed me. It’s made me softer, more open, and more receptive to Him, myself, and those around me. As I see God dealing gently with me, I’m learning to deal more gently with myself.
So as I near the end of this pregnancy (can I get a ‘hallelujah’?!) I’m reaching out for and receiving joy. I’m intentionally choosing to turn my fear over to God and “fix my thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable” (Philippians 4:8). I’m choosing to pay more attention to the voices I let into my life and how they influence my emotions. I’m clinging to Scripture and breathing in God’s presence as I carry with me a few different breath prayers. I’m lingering with moments of beauty and looking for glimmers to help heal the ache.
I’m not ignoring the fear or pushing down the worry, but rather giving it a soft place to land. I’m planting seeds of peace where fear once grew wild and untamed. I’m choosing to create space for more joy in my life as I get ready to receive the most precious thing my arms will ever hold — my daughter.
“Those who sow in tears
will reap with shouts of joy.
Though one goes along weeping,
carrying the bag of seed,
he will surely come back with shouts of joy,
carrying his sheaves.”
— Psalm 126:5-6, CSB
A Liturgy for Leavings
From Every Moment Holy Vol. 1
Sometimes a benediction of borrowed words is the best way to send someone off. So I offer you these words of leaving, this prayer of presence, and pray that as you leave the month of June behind and enter gently into July that you would sense the Spirit of God with you in all things and all moments.
And may His presence bring a tender kind of clarity to what you need to leave behind and what needs to be brought forth.
O Spirit of God, be as present in our parting
as you were in our gathering.
Be present in our journeys.
Be present in our days to come.
Be present in our works
and in our words
and in our hearts.
Be present in the bonds of our
community, Lord Christ.
Be ever at work among us
and through us.
Amen.
Selah.
With you on the journey,
Celia
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Life Lately
A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend
Inhale: I cast my burdens onto You, Lord.
Exhale: You will sustain me.
(adapted from Psalm 55:22)
*If you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, download this complete digital guide to practicing breath prayer.
Resources & Good Things to Pick Up
Writer and spiritual director, Izabela Cormier, offers a free monthly reset at the end of every month to help you reflect on the month behind you and set your intentions for the month ahead of you. It’s a lovely way to incorporate the practice of reflection into your monthly rhythm: Monthly Reset
My mom is an ovarian cancer survivor who decided to create an encouraging planner for those walking through their cancer journey. It would also be a life-giving tool for caregivers and loved ones walking beside their cancer warrior. The ‘For Such a Time as This’ planner is officially available for purchase now here: Quiet Hope Co.
My Etsy shop, The Beholding Co., offers contemplative resources to help you slow down, seek still moments, and behold God’s presence with you in the everyday. Purchase some breath prayer cards, a Lectio Divina bookmark, and more.
Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. If you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!
My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently
An Invitation to Pause & Reflect
A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.
Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):
What’s one thing you’d like to leave behind in June?
What’s one thing you’d like to carry with you into July?
How is God revealing Himself to you in this season?
