Writings of a Beholder 🌿 7.28.23

Discovering my God-given design

Discovering My God-Given Design

I shared on Instagram earlier this week that in this season of my life, I’m enjoying learning new things about myself.

I’ve spent most of the last year and a half working through some grief and trauma that I’ve carried with me for far too long, and although I’m still working through some of those hard and heavy things, I’m starting to see evidence of healing and growth and for that, I’m so very thankful.

American philosopher and psychologist, John Dewey, said that we don’t learn from the experience, we learn from reflecting on the experience.

I’m finding that to be true in my own life as I look back over the last decade. It’s in those quiet, reflective moments with God — either in the pages of my journal or sitting in silence with Him — that I begin to notice the ways in which I’m changing and transforming, the things and people that bring me life or drain the life from me, and even what I genuinely enjoy doing (or not doing).

When you spend a good chunk of your life carrying around heavy baggage the way I did, you don’t really have the space to try new things or even pay attention to who you’re becoming. The hurt and the grief act as a foggy lens that you just can’t quite see clearly out of, causing you to not see yourself or your life so clearly either.

I’m learning how to let those past experiences and those people from long ago become a part of me, but not consume me as they once did. I’m giving myself permission to love them and grieve their absences and even in the darkest moments of this process, there have been fractals of light and joy along the way, gently illuminating and healing all that’s been broken and not tended to for a long, long time. I’m also learning to let that old version of me become a part of who I am now too — to not shame her — but embrace her.

It’s a process, probably a life-long one, and I constantly take a few steps forward only to go back a few steps again. But that’s the messy journey of life and loving and healing and growing, and I’m trusting that God is leading me in His Love every step of the way.

Since I’ve been practicing naming aloud my hurt in safe places with safe people, I now have the space to explore who this new person is that I’m slowly becoming. The person who isn’t constantly weighed down and haunted by certain things and people from her past.

One thing I’m uncovering amidst this healing journey about how God created me is that I really love connecting with Him through nature. I’m finding that I have a deep desire to practice presence — being present in the moment and to my right now life — and being in nature helps ground and root me. Walking amongst the trees or even taking a few minutes in the morning to stare at the sunrise instantly puts my soul at ease and in those moments I am for certain that I’m in the very near and very real presence of God.

Nature makes me more aware of God with me as I behold the beauty and glory of His creation.

So, because of this newfound love for nature, I’ve decided that I’d like to explore and engage with the practice of forest bathing. I’m still learning about this practice, and right now I’m only a few chapters in on a book called Your Guide to Forest Bathing: Experience the Healing Power of Nature by M. Amos Clifford.

If you’ve never heard of forest bathing, it’s an ancient Japanese practice referred to as shinrin-yoku where you immerse yourself in nature by taking a very slow, relaxed, and thoughtful walk through the woods or somewhere in nature while letting all of your senses come alive as you connect with the earth around you.

I do believe that God gave us the gift of nature to help heal and ground us. I mean, God Himself molded our beings from the soil of the earth (Genesis 2:7), so there has to be something sacred about our connection to it, right? I think so. And I’m excited to explore it for myself with the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

God places within us all what I believe are holy desires — longings and dreams and desires that reflect His image in us and are arrows that point to how and why He created us. It’s just like Ephesians 2:10 says,

^“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (ESV)

We were created by God, for God, to do the things we love to do with God in order to organically, and in love, grow the Kingdom of God.

And somehow, I believe loving nature and connecting with the Lord through beauty and creation is just part of my God-given design. I’m not really sure yet how that will expand or what form it will take, but for now, I’m enjoying just being present to God through this new longing and delighting in His presence in the process of learning more about myself.

In one of my most recent favorite books, The Gift of Being Yourself, Dr. David Benner writes,

“If we find our true self we find God, and if we find God, we find our most authentic self.”

Our being — the way we were designed, and the desires, dreams, and longings we carry — are not separate from God. They are, in fact, the very essence of His image within us. We are intertwined with our Creator in every possible way and nothing is hidden from Him, not even what we most long for.

So, in this season of my life, I’m going to take my sweet time getting to know myself better through the lens of Love and of my God. I have every intention of wasting time delighting in His presence and slowing down so that I can be present to what He’s doing in me and around me.

“All my longings lie open before you, Lord;
    my sighing is not hidden from you.” (Psalm 38:9)

May you be brave in laying before God the longings you hold in your own heart.

May you remember that He is gentle in the way He helps you carry and form them.

And may you slow down and be present to your true self, paying attention closely to how God is revealing you to you as you go.

With you on the journey,

Celia

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Life Lately

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A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend

breathe in:

All my longings lie open before you, Lord.

breathe out:

My sighing is not hidden from You. (adapted from Psalm 38:9)

*if you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, download this complete digital guide to practicing breath prayer.

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Resources & Good Things to Pick Up

Check out these resources on Forest Bathing if you’re interested in learning more about this practice:

• A book: Your Guide to Forest Bathing: Experience the Healing Power of Nature

• Another book: Forest Bathing: How Trees Can Help You Find Health and Happiness

• An article: Forest Bathing: Why We Love This Practice + How to Do It (even without a Forest) from Primally Pure

I also really love this book by Emily P. Freeman that explores how we are all created in the image of God and invited to live into that image uniquely: A Million Little Ways

Grab some breath prayer cards, a journal, a candle, and other contemplative resources from my Etsy shop: The Beholding Co.

Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. And if you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!

My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently

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An Invitation to Pause & Reflect

A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.

Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):

What desires, dreams, or longings do you carry that need to be named in God’s presence? If you’re not sure what longings you carry, take some time to pray and ask the Lord to reveal those to you.

Do you have a regular practice of reflection? If so, how does it help inform you of your God-given design? If not, what might it look like to cultivate one?

What’s one fun thing you could do this week with the Holy Spirit that brings you joy?

What are you learning about yourself in this season of life?