Writings of a Beholder 🌿 6.30.23

They say the eyes are the window to the soul

They Say the Eyes Are the Window to the Soul

I believe there’s a longing buried deep within us all to know and experience more of God’s presence in our everyday lives.

I know I hold this longing within me, which is what keeps me chasing after different ways to behold God with me amidst the mundane moments of ordinary life. Some days, I notice His presence everywhere, feeling filled to the brim with love and gratitude for how near I know He is. On other days, He feels distant and I feel distracted, and beholding more of Him feels like a faraway dream.

On the days where He feels distant, I notice that, sometimes, I’m the one not paying attention. I miss the smallness of things where gifts and miracles come like whispers in the dark.

I don’t notice the way the warm mug of tea in my hands instantly puts my soul at ease, and how near His presence is to me in that cup of tea. I don’t notice how the evening light fractals over the walls — glints of eternity mixed with mystery — and I forget to pause and remember that God spoke this light into being, and now it’s here, on my walls, in my home… in me.

I forget to pay attention to the way our mail lady always has a kind word and a wave awaiting me each afternoon, reflecting the kindness of God. I miss out on how God speaks beauty and resilience through the flowers that bloom in my neighbor’s garden every spring. I pass by the ducks on my morning walk and barely notice His presence because I’m too focused on finding God in more obvious places.

The older I get, the more I realize how much I really don’t know about the mysteries and presence of God. Like how He isn’t just present on Sunday mornings when the preacher gets up to give a sermon, but on Monday, too, when the Monday blues hit and I’m at my desk wondering where He is.

Maybe this longing to behold more of God is really an invitation to open my eyes wider in… what?

In wonder.

Wonder defined means a ‘feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.’

Maybe in order to behold God in all things, all people, and all places, I must let myself be surprised. And if I am to let myself be surprised, then I must surrender my need to know all things. I can’t see God in anything if I think I know everything.

But I’m a lot better at carrying answers than I am at carrying questions, and my incessant desire for control, to know what comes next, consistently gets in the way of my ability to wonder and awe at the God Whose specialty is to show up in the most unexpected of ways and places.

So, maybe it’s not only about paying attention but about slowing down and surrendering to the flow of Life, and all of His surprises. Maybe it’s more about practicing wonder — letting ourselves be immersed in the unfamiliar — than it is about nailing down certainties and holding all the answers. I don’t think we were meant to fully understand God, our faith, or even ourselves. I think God is full of mystery and surprise and inexplicable things, and I think we were created to hold the Mystery more than the answers.

Because within the Mystery of God, I am free to hold all of my questions before Him and not anchor my hope in a sure answer. I am free to live and abide in Him, trusting that His hand is guiding me and that His Love is undoing me in ways that I most likely can’t see or even understand. And, again, there’s freedom in that.

To behold God is to be held in wonder, and to wonder at God is to have eyes wide in surprise. It’s choosing to lean into the unknown and the unfamiliar. It’s in those uncertain, gray spaces where gaps loom large and our questions grow that we run right into the holy presence of Mystery where light floods in and darkness flees.

Matthew 6:22-23 in the MSG version proves this to be true,

“Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a musty cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!”

Living life to know it all makes your soul go all squinty-eyed and musty. Distrust and an unyielded heart distances us from beholding the presence of Love in all things.

It is only by surprise and leaning into the wonder of unexpected things that we are truly able to see God.

Because the reality is, God’s presence is with us always and not even our feelings could change that profound truth. But as Father Richard Rohr says, it’s not a lack of His presence that unsettles us, it’s the absence of awareness.

So, on the days when God feels distant, maybe we learn to ask ourselves, “When was the last time I truly let myself be surprised by God?”

When was the last time I let go of my expectations so that what is unexpected can grow new things in me? When was the last time I let go of my desire to know what’s next so that I can live in the present? When was the last time I held space for unanswered questions?

The good news is, God’s goodness never ends, and His grace far outweighs our struggle to see. He is always waiting for our gaze to return and our eyes to open wide in awe-filled wonder.

As you get ready to go on with your day and into the weekend ahead, I’d like to leave you with a short blessing that I pray would soak your soul in the reality of how close God really is; to remind you that wonder is often the key to opening the door that leads to a greater awareness of Him.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul, so may the Light dawn gently within you.

May the eyes of your heart be open to each changing season, receiving the Love that always comes in the midst of unexpected things.

May the eyes of your soul know strength and softness where strong roots often grow in unfamiliar spaces.

And may the eyes of your mind catch wonder glinting from mysterious and eternal places.

With you on the journey,

Celia

Here are some moments in June that made me pause in wonder:

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A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend

breathe in:

He is before all things.

breathe out:

And in Him all things hold together. (Adapted from Colossians 1:17)

*if you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, check out this blog post I wrote titled, How to Use Breath Prayer.

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Resources & Good Things to Pick Up

I added a new product to my Etsy shop this week referencing Matthew 6:22-23. Its purpose is to be a tangible reminder to open your eyes wide in wonder. Check it out here: Pocket Reminder

Grab some breath prayer cards, a journal, and other contemplative resources from my Etsy shop: The Beholding Co.

Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. And if you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!

My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently

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An Invitation to Pause & Reflect

A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.

Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):

Where do you see God, here, right now, in this moment?

How might you let yourself be surprised today?

What question(s) are you carrying that need the presence of Love over a sure answer?

What does your relationship with wonder look like and how might God be inviting you to grow in this practice?