Pastor and writer, John Ortberg, in his book, Soul Keeping, says,
“For the soul to be well, it needs to be with God.”
I remember when I was first introduced to spiritual practices, the contemplative life, and a much slower way of living and being with God. I felt like my soul had finally come home. It felt like I had entered a whole new world, and I had, compared to the white, evangelical Bible church I was raised in. The contemplative way taught me how to be with God and find my identity not in external things or theological debates but in the love of my heavenly Father. It taught me how to search for Him in all things, and that His presence wasn’t bound to my ‘quiet time’ routine.
The Lord used the beginning of that journey to unravel a lot of lies I believed about myself and God. The self-loathing and shame that came from years of believing my worth was based on perfection and performance started to heal. I began embracing the truth that God deeply and unfathomably loves me as I am, and comes alongside me gently to guide me forward in becoming more like Him.
This has given me the courage to see myself through His eyes — to love and embrace myself as He does. Truthfully, I struggle to consistently live from this place, but I believe learning how to love God, yourself, and others is a lifelong journey that I’m not sure we ever arrive fully at on this side of heaven. But I’m learning through it all that the process of spiritual formation — of healing, growing, and becoming more fully myself in God — is far more important than arriving at any given destination.
The journey is often more important than getting to where I’m going because it’s the journey that holds all the lessons, truths, hard and good things, and everything else needed to pull me closer to the ever-present presence of the Divine.
So over the last few years of stepping into a more contemplative way of being with God, myself, and people, I’ve learned that the most important thing we can do as those who love and follow Jesus is simply learn how to let ourselves be with Him. Like the quote I shared at the beginning of this letter, John’s words ring true in my own life. My soul is its healthiest when I’m creating intentional space to be with God.
Sometimes, this is through certain spiritual practices such as journaling, listening prayer, or Lectio Divina. But what I’ve learned is that the practice or routine itself is not what’s most important. What’s most important is that we are constantly paying attention to our soul’s deepest need — time spent being tended to by the presence of God — and discerning what exactly that looks like in each season of our lives.
There have been seasons in my life where I find the practice of Centering Prayer enrichens my spiritual life, drawing me closer to God and my truest self in Him. Sometimes, picking up a consistent practice of journaling is what my soul needs, creating space for me to process my thoughts and emotions on the safety of a blank page.
But sometimes, there are seasons when my usual practices fall flat. I experienced a season like this at the beginning of my pregnancy when I felt yucky most days and really discouraged and lonely. Lectio Divina wasn’t cutting it, journaling felt heavy, and even prayer in its simplest form was exhausting. My initial reaction was shame because I found myself not able to do much of anything.
It was then that the Lord began to reveal to me that the practices themselves had become my idol of worship, and not Him. Or rather, the act of doing rather than being had become most important to me, leaving my soul tired and burnt out.
I struggle with my own legalistic tendencies, which is why learning how to abide freely with God has freed my soul in many ways. But there are moments, days, and even seasons when I forget the truth that God’s love has never, nor will ever, depend on my actions or practices. God’s love exists as a gift freely given to me, moment by moment, simply because I’m His.
1 John 4:19 says that we love because He first loved us. His love came first, before I could ever even fathom what love is, He chose to love me. And when I fully grasp this truth and learn to live from this place of being loved, it’s only then that I’m able to love from an authentic and healthy place.
So I realized as I sat on the couch every morning, forfeiting my usual practices and rhythms, that spiritual practices aren’t limited to prayer, journaling, and Bible reading. Spiritual practice is anything that pulls us closer to the heart of God. Spiritual practice is anything that allows our soul to be with God in its most true and vulnerable state.
Another huge part of the contemplative way is learning how to behold God with you in the everyday, mundane things. In the midst of doing, I had forgotten this, and so began the slow journey of beholding God with me on the couch, in the car, in the doctor’s office, at my desk as I answered emails, and even cleaning the upstairs bathrooms.
Being with God becomes easy when we remember that His presence goes with us wherever we go, His love and glory and beauty weaving themselves within the fabric of the most mundane, minuscule things. I learned that this is what my soul needed — I listened and discerned that I needed to return to abiding and beholding and so I let Him lead me through each day, talking to Him as I washed the dishes or even sitting in silence and simply thanking Him for the love that is always freely given and never earned.
Perhaps you find yourself in a similar season, friend, where your spiritual life feels like it’s at a standstill, your soul dry and thirsty for something deeper but you can’t quite figure out what that deeper thing is. Perhaps your usual rhythms and practices aren’t lightening your load, but adding to it — becoming heavy and burdensome.
In every season, I think our souls are constantly crying out for more of God — I believe we were created this way. And maybe when we feel a little lost or our souls feel weary, our practices falling short, it’s an indication — not that something has gone wrong — but that maybe something needs to shift. Maybe here, it’s time to re-evaluate what it means to be with God in this season of life and discern with the Holy Spirit what that might look like.
I know for me, these two questions have been helpful in dry seasons like these, and I hope they might be helpful for you, too, in discerning what your soul needs to be more fully present to God.
What feels life-draining?
What feels life-giving?
Paying attention in every season to what’s draining us and burning us out can help us better discern what it is that gives light and life to our souls. Sometimes, things or practices need to be aside for a time to make room for something new, and other times, old, familiar rhythms may be inviting us to pick them back up again as a way to return home to God and ourselves.
Holding tightly to a practice, routine, or rhythm can sometimes bind us rather than free us, so it’s essential to remember that God’s constant invitation to all of us is simply to abide in Him — to be with Him — in everything that we do. His presence isn’t excluded from a single thing, and this truth should free us from the burden of rigid routine, inviting us to shift and flow with the current of life rather than against it.
So, especially as we move from the season of Lent and into Eastertide, I’d invite you to begin paying attention to the things, people, and places in your life that bring life and the ones that leave you feeling lifeless. They just might act as arrows pointing to what your soul needs most right now.
As you do, may your soul find its way back to the Spirit of God, learning to find its rest in Him alone.
With you on the journey,
Celia
Life Lately
A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend
Inhale: Return to your rest, my soul.
Exhale: For the Lord has been good to you.
(adapted from Psalm 116:7)
*If you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, download this complete digital guide to practicing breath prayer.
Resources & Good Things to Pick Up
Grab a copy of John Ortberg’s Soul Keeping on Amazon: Soul Keeping: Caring For the Most Important Part of You
Author and podcaster, Emily P. Freeman, offers a great reflective resource that helps you pay attention to your life and your soul — the guided journal also includes space to list what’s giving you life and what’s draining it from you: The Next Right Thing Guided Journal
My mom is an ovarian cancer survivor who decided to create an encouraging planner for those walking through their cancer journey. It would also be a life-giving tool for caregivers and loved ones walking beside their cancer warrior. The ‘For Such a Time as This’ planner is officially available for purchase now here: Quiet Hope Co.
My Etsy shop, The Beholding Co., offers contemplative resources to help you slow down, seek still moments, and behold God’s presence with you in the everyday. Purchase some breath prayer cards, a Lectio Divina bookmark, and more.
Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. If you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!
My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently
An Invitation to Pause & Reflect
A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.
Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):
Sometime this weekend or in the next week, take a few moments to reflect on the season of life you’re in and make a list of the things, people, and places that bring life to your soul and the ones that leave you feeling lifeless.
Afterward, reflect on what might need to shift. What invitations do you sense stirring?
Celia, reading your posts is like seeing my life as a Rembrandt masterpiece. I love your gentle words and healing insights.