The Lessons Grief is Teaching Me
I woke from a dream this morning that caused sorrow to land heavy in my chest. It’s always the same dream; the one that pulls me back to a different time with different people, and a different version of me.
The past, that’s where the dream takes me, and there in the past lies grief and loss. It’s a grief that ultimately led me to a lot of joy and growth, but it’s still hard to grapple with and face sometimes there in the dark.
For the past eight months, I’ve been learning how to name my grief, and how to acknowledge the feeling of sorrow and loss in my chest without shaming it away or pushing it down. I’m learning how to heal from wounds that are nearly a decade old because I’m finally realizing the beautiful and hard truth that the only way to truly heal is by allowing yourself to hurt through the wound and not around it.
I’m beginning to see that the only way to heal is to let the grief come and have her way with me; letting her become a part of me rather than separate from me, and letting her lead me to the feet of my sweet and able Savior.
Maybe you’ve experienced deep pain, grief, and loss in your own life, friend. Maybe you’ve learned how to live with it, how to hold space for it. Or maybe you haven’t and pushing it away is the only way you know how to cope with the deep pain of it.
Either way, your ache is welcome here, in whatever capacity, shape or form that may be.
I thought it might be encouraging to share with you the lessons that grief and God are teaching me in this season of my life — this season of healing and growing and lamenting. So, here they are in no particular order.
Holding space for grief and processing /lamenting through the pain with Jesus brings healing. Stuffing the grief down and running from it only prolongs the healing process and does further damage to a soul.
I am free to grieve with God and feel the pain of my loss, I don’t need to hide it or ignore it.
Healing is not linear, and the truth is that healing is a messy, uncomfortable, all-over-the-place process. But the more I surrender to the process, the more whole I become.
It’s not about “feeling better”, it’s about feeling, letting myself be human before God, and allowing the tears and questions and emotions come when they need to.
I’m learning to let my grief and loss become a part of me rather than separate from me. I’m learning that I can hold both joy and pain, hope and hurt, the darkness of loss and the Light of new life.
These are specific to my own experience and in no way would I ever say that they’re absolutely true for everyone in every season of grief. But I share them with you today as a way of holding up my own lantern of Light and showing you that you’re not alone in the dark.
A verse that I keep returning to again and again in this season comes from Psalm 18:28,
“You light a lamp for me.
The Lord, my God, lights up my darkness.” (NLT)
I’ve turned that first sentence into a breath prayer and I pray it on the days when it’s difficult to breathe through the pain as a way of reminding myself of the truth that He Lights the lamp when I can’t and leads me gently through the dark.
I’m thankful for a God Who invites me to come as I am and pour it all out rather than shaming me into just “being ok”. I’m thankful that He doesn’t bend low to tell me to wipe my tears and put a smile on my face, but chooses instead to bend low and cry with me because when I hurt, He hurts, too.
That’s the beauty and wonder of Him — His Light is always with me, guiding me through every ugly, dark, uncomfortable thing, making me whole again.
Peace be with you,
Celia
A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend
breathe in:
You Light a lamp.
breathe out:
For me.
*if you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, check out this blog post I wrote titled, How to Use Breath Prayer.
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monthly emails that will be sent out on the 1st of every month containing that month’s spiritual practice, action steps, and tools, outside additional resources, and weekly reflection questions
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Resources & Good Things to Pick Up
I recently purchased Kristin Vanderlip’s Rest journal, a guided journal designed to help you engage with the practices of journaling and lamenting. I used it this morning for the first time since it arrived this week and it was so very helpful in processing my own grief. And great news, it’s 15% off right now! Pick it up for yourself or for a friend: Rest: A Journal for Lament
Trauma therapist and author, KJ Ramsey, wrote a beautiful post on her Instagram page on the truths and realities of wounds and healing. It greatly encouraged me and I hope it does the same for you. Check it out here: KJ Ramsey
I would also recommend picking up a copy of her newest book, as it’s been a really healing companion for me in this season when words and prayers have been hard to form: The Book of Common Courage
My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently
Grab some breath prayer cards, a journal, and other contemplative resources from my Etsy shop: The Beholding Co.
Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. And if you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, hit reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!
An Invitation to Pause & Reflect
A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.
Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):
How do you treat your grief or respond to sorrow when it rises up?
How might you practice gentleness and patience toward yourself in this season?
Where in your life right now do you notice God lighting a lamp for you?