Welcome to March, my friend.
As we step into a new month, I pray that you’re taking a moment to look back over February to notice and reflect on where God was in everything that made up your life over the last four weeks. I hope that before you step over the threshold of March, you would be brave in naming the hard and good things.
A regular practice of self-reflection helps us pay attention to God with us, the things that ache and sing, and the people that matter most.
I’ve been thinking a lot about self-examination and reflection during these first few weeks of Lent, as often the season is an invitation to look beneath the surface, down deep into our souls, and notice what’s stirring there; what God may be pointing to, what may need some rearranging or healing, or what He’s asking us to be faithful to in this season of life.
It was Socrates who once said, “The unexamined life is not worth living”, and I have to say, I agree with him.
I feel like I shied away from this practice early on in my faith because I only saw self-examination through the lens of condemnation and shame. As if looking inward felt too much like raw guilt. Now, I understand that self-examination isn’t an invitation into shame, condemnation, or to be scolded by God, but a loving invitation to draw nearer to the presence of the Holy Spirit as He lovingly reveals and uncovers what otherwise may remain hidden.
This Lenten season, I’m joining with a group of other women as we embark on an Ignatian-style retreat. Together, we’re reading and meditating on Scripture, as well as sharing our reflections with a guide, and a lot of my time spent during this retreat has involved reflection and self-examination. It’s been a time of honesty and authenticity before God as I bear my soul to Him — what I believe about Him, what I believe about myself, and the fears and wounds and longings I carry.
It’s always uncomfortable to be vulnerable before anyone, even God. Maybe even especially Him sometimes because we have this human tendency to want to present ourselves pretty and perfect in His presence, believing the lie that this will somehow make Him love us more.
But you know what I’ve found as I’ve allowed Him to search my heart? As I’ve entered into honesty before Him, even when it makes me feel uncomfortable? When I’ve dared to look down at myself and notice the broken pieces there that need tending to?
I’ve found a God Who delights in my authenticity, my wrestling, and tough questions. I have not found a God Who balks at my boldness or my struggles but embraces them, knowing that these raw, honest moments with Him are what shape me to look more like Jesus.
One of the Psalms I’ve been meditating frequently on lately is Psalm 139, and I noticed something this week about the Psalm that never really stuck out to me before. King David begins and ends this Psalm with very similar language, and it feels significant to me.
“Lord, you have searched me and known me.”
(Psalm 139:1, CSB)
“Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my concerns.
See if there is any offensive way in me;
lead me in the everlasting way.”(Psalm 139:23-24, CSB)
He uses the same word — search — in both verses, but what’s different about them, I noticed, is the tone in which he uses. In verse 1, He’s acknowledging that God already sees and knows. In the final verses, David invites God to search His heart — to draw close, come near, and point out the ways in him that keep him from growing deeper in intimacy with his Creator.
This shows me that knowing and inviting are two different things. It’s one thing to know that God already sees our struggles and understands them, but it’s an entirely different thing to invite God in personally to those areas of our life that hurt and may need to be healed or rearranged.
David cries out to God to come close and examine his heart not to be chastised or shamed like a child but to be shaped by God’s refining love. When we view self-reflection and self-examination through the lens of Love, we have nothing to fear from God or ourselves. This is easier said than done though, and I often still find myself afraid to approach God with my struggles. But when I do, and I allow myself to be honest before Him with everything weighing on my heart, I give God the opportunity to draw nearer to me — to form, heal, and free me.
Honesty burns away all falsity and as my false self slowly falls to the floor, I emerge more truly awake and alive in who God created me to be. Self-examination and reflection are not death sentences, but invitations to lasting joy as we become real with ourselves and God.
Beginning a regular practice of self-examination and reflection can feel a bit uncomfortable, but I’ve found that the things in our lives that make us uncomfortable are often the very things that God wants to use to grow us the most. So if this is a new idea or practice to you, give yourself grace as you keep leaning into the discomfort, trusting God to be tender and careful with your heart.
Next week, I’m going to share a practice of reflection with you that maybe you’ve never heard of, but would be a wonderful place to begin if you’re interested in incorporating a regular rhythm of reflection and self-examination. It’s called The Daily Examen, and I believe it can be used as a powerful tool to behold God with us, helping us notice how we spend our days, and helping us practice the voice and presence of God in our lives.
If you have heard of the Examen, let next week’s letter then be an invitation to start again if you feel led by the Spirit to do so.
I pray that during this Lenten season, we all may be formed by the loving presence of God With Us, and may we remember that God welcomes all of who we are to the table to heal and refine us so that we may look more and more like Him.
With you on the journey,
Celia
Life Lately
A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend
Inhale: Search me, God.
Exhale: And know my heart.
(adapted from Psalm 139:23, CSB)
*If you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, download this complete digital guide to practicing breath prayer.
Resources & Good Things to Pick Up
My mom is an ovarian cancer survivor who decided to create an encouraging planner for those walking through their cancer journey. It would also be a life-giving tool for caregivers and loved ones walking beside their cancer warrior. The ‘For Such a Time as This’ planner is officially available for purchase now here: Quiet Hope Co.
My Etsy shop, The Beholding Co., offers contemplative resources to help you slow down, seek still moments, and behold God’s presence with you in the everyday. Purchase some breath prayer cards, a Lectio Divina bookmark, and more.
Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. If you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!
My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently
An Invitation to Pause & Reflect
A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.
Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):
How do you feel about the practice of self-examination and reflection? Why do you think you feel that way?
What might it look like for you to be honest before God this week?
What might it look like for you to practice being honest with yourself this week?