Writings of a Beholder 🌿 1.19.24

The Lord Is My Shepherd

Photo by Adrian Infernus on Unsplash

I wake in the night and the time on my phone screen reads 2 am, I roll over and try to let sleep find me again but soon my mind wanders and my thoughts start racing. Worries of the next day and the day after hit me and I turn onto my back, staring into the darkness, now wide awake.

I hear the furnace click on, the dog yawns and stretches at the end of our bed, and the wind blows snow and cold against our windows. I try to ground myself with what I can hear, an attempt to plant myself again in the present.

Still, the thoughts race, then the heart, and soon I find myself frustrated and afraid of the dark.

There’s something eerily revealing about 2 am darkness when the rest of the world sleeps and you’re left alone with yourself. When you’re left to face the fears that linger there in the soul and appear most prominently when all is quiet. They seem to come and go like shadows.

Then a word comes to me, just one word, like a ring buoy being tossed out to sea.

I sit up in the dark, bring my knees to my chest, and whisper the word into the night.

‘Shepherd’.

One Who tends, provides, comforts, and protects.

Then more words slowly rise from my heart to my mouth and my lips form the rest of it.

“The Lord is my shepherd;
I have what I need.
He lets me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside quiet waters.
He renews my life;
he leads me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.”

(Psam 23:1-3, CSB)

I breathe in slowly, and my shoulders relax as I hear the whispered invitation of my sweet Savior meeting me right there in the middle of my darkness — right there in the middle of all that makes me anxious and afraid.

“Even when I go through the darkest valley,
I fear no danger,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—they comfort me.”

(Psalm 23:4, CSB)

The words come like a prayer now and a love offering as I reach out my hand to the One already reaching for me.

“You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.”

(Psalm 23:5, CSB)

Then I pause, approaching the last of it with gentle care, not wanting to rush the tender way the words want to root themselves within me. The way I see Him now coming to meet me.

“Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
as long as I live.”

(Psalm 23:6, CSB)

I utter a broken amen and lay my head on the pillow again, breathing deeply and slowly. I feel the peace of Him with me and I realize that this, too, must be what it means to abide in the Spirit of the One Who sees me, hears every anxious thought, and chooses to come close.

Even in the dark, dead of night, He invites me to walk with Him — in Him — receiving Love in the form of a prayer that came thousands of years before me. These sacred, ancient words uttered by a king after God’s own heart were crafted to hold me and hold all who are desperately in need of a gentle, loving Savior.

For all who long deeply to walk with God on the waves rather than be swallowed whole by them.

Because life can sometimes feel like being stranded at sea, can’t it?

Abiding is a moment-by-moment invitation, I think as I lull into sleep. Walking in the Spirit sometimes means trusting God to sing you to sleep. It means being content at being the sheep — being the one that needs.

As I learn to need, I learn to receive, and suddenly I understand why Paul was so keen on celebrating his weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9). Because grace can’t penetrate hardened hearts. Grace, freely given to all, can only be received by those soft and open enough to let it in.

By those ready to surrender to and abide in Love.

By those humble enough to be constantly needy.

My eyes grow heavy and sleep is finally finding me again. I exhale, relaxing into the presence of One Who stands guard at my bed while at the same time, like a mother, comforts with a hushed voice and gentle, reaching hands.

With you on the journey,

Celia

---

Life Lately

---

A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend

Inhale: The Lord is my Shepherd.

Exhale: I have what I need.

(adapted from Psalm 23:1)

*If you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, download this complete digital guide to practicing breath prayer.

---

Resources & Good Things to Pick Up

My mom is an ovarian cancer survivor who decided to create an encouraging planner for those walking through their cancer journey. It would also be a life-giving tool for caregivers and loved ones walking beside their cancer warrior. The ‘For Such a Time as This’ planner launches Monday, January 22nd, at 10 am EST. Grab it and read more about it here: Quiet Hope Co.

The season of Lent is quickly approaching, and starts on Valentine’s Day this year! I’ve decided to enjoy the Lenten mediations of Father Richard Rohr using this devotional: Wondrous Encounters: Scripture for Lent

My Etsy shop, The Beholding Co., offers contemplative resources to help you slow down, seek still moments, and behold God’s presence with you in the everyday. Purchase some breath prayer cards, a Lectio Divina bookmark, and more.

Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. If you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!

My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently

---

An Invitation to Pause & Reflect

A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.

Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):

• Meditate on Psalm 23 this week. As you read slowly and prayerfully, what words or phrases stick out to you? What might God be saying to you through this Psalm?

• How do you feel about the Lord being your Shepherd and you His sheep?