Writings of a Beholder 🌿 11.24.23
Writings of a Beholder 🌿 11.24.23
Like Manna Falling from Heaven
Photo by Nicolas J Leclercq on Unsplash
It’s the week of Thanksgiving and I pray that yesterday for you was full of family, friends who feel like family, good conversation, laughter, and yummy comfort food. This year at the Thanksgiving table, I hope you were able to honor the grief and the joy, the fear and the love, the light and the dark, and everything else that you’re holding and carrying into this holiday season.
God sees and understands it all, even when we don’t, and He invites all of it into His presence without shame. There’s only ever His gentle, powerful Love waiting to receive us — us as we are, not us as we pretend or wish to be. I think there’s comfort in that, and rest, too.
I’m not sure if it’s due to the holiday, but I’ve been thinking a lot about bread lately. Not the kind that we physically eat, although that kind of bread is delicious and most definitely a gift from God.
I’ve been thinking about the kind of bread that can only be given by and received from heaven.
I’ve always struggled to live in the present moment, slowing down and pausing long enough to receive the sacrament of right now, without constantly having one eye on the future. I think that’s why I’ve made beholding more of God in the mundane my life’s mission because I know I need it and I know it doesn’t come naturally to me.
I’ve tried to be my own hero for many years, leaning into self-preservation and self-reliance and calling it strength. Honestly, at times, this has protected me, but more often than not I’m realizing that it leaves my soul and body dry, cracked, and hungry for more than what I or anyone else can give me.
This fear of vulnerability I carry, this inability to let my walls down, has begun to show itself evidently in this season as I fear and fret over the future and what I can’t control, pulling me away from the gift of the present. In a way, I try to put myself in God’s place, and just like the Israelites who took more manna than they needed (Exodus 16:20), my mind and spirit start to rot.
Fear that’s left unchecked, that’s left outside the veil of Love, slowly rots the soul. And my need to control and self-protect, at the root, is fear and misplacement of trust. From there, I just start to spiral as my heart locks up and my mind and body freeze, unable to function. Maybe you can relate, even if just a little.
One of my favorite writers and founder of The Pen & Mend Co., Kristin Vanderlip, shared a journal prompt along with a couple of quotes on her Instagram this week related to bread — related to manna from heaven — and it stirred something deep in my soul like an invitation from God Himself.
The journal prompt she offered was this:
“Use your journal like a breadbasket to collect your daily bread and notice the trail of breadcrumbs provided for you.”
In Exodus 16:1-36, we find the Israelites wandering around in the wilderness, complaining and grumbling about the God Who freed them from slavery in Egypt but wasn’t providing the kind of food they enjoyed. They had forgotten the taste of sweet freedom as time went on and even longed for the days in Egypt when they were held captive and treated horrendously.
In response to this, God sends down bread from heaven — manna — along with quail. The Israelites are instructed to only collect what is needed for each day, nothing more and nothing less. And each time they collected more, trying to store up extra manna in case they might need it later, it immediately began to rot and stink.
Each time they chose to mistrust God’s promise and trust more in themselves and their own provision, the manna became inedible.
I read this story this morning as Kristin’s journal prompt and my own fears swirled in my head and I realized how much I relate to the Israelites — how like them I really am, storing up for myself my own strength, my own provision, and my own plans because I don’t truly trust that God will provide.
Because sometimes, I struggle to believe that God is good.
I noticed in Exodus 16 that as the manna started falling, the Israelites didn’t recognize it for what it was, and I resonated with their question.
“When the Isratelites saw it, they asked one another, “What is it?” because they didn’t know what it was.
Moses told them, “It is the bread the Lord has given you to eat.” (v.15, CSB)
The words of Jesus as He taught His disciples how to pray come to me now from Matthew 6:11, “Give us today our daily bread.”
How often do we pray this same prayer but then completely miss the manna falling from heaven because we’re distracted by our own self-reliance, fear, and control? I wonder how often we’re blinded to the trail of breadcrumbs God leaves for us to collect because we don’t know how to receive a God Who speaks abundance and peace over us when all we’ve ever known is scarcity, hurt, and disappointment.
I’m learning here that what I believe about God determines whether or not I’m able to behold the Bread of Life — the manna falling straight from heaven like glory leaking into the everyday.
If my hands aren’t open and empty, ready to receive, ready to trust and surrender, I can’t chew on and savor what He has for me. Manna can’t nourish my soul and penetrate my heart, tending to the roots if I believe there’s never enough. If I believe that what I can collect and store up for myself will be better than what God gives and provides.
And, I realize, He always provides. God is always making a way. I know this, and I remember this, as I reflect on my life.
So I open my journal, as Kristin invited me to do, and I make a manna list. I list all the ways that I see heaven breaking through this morning, and I receive it as bread for today — sustenance for the moment.
Blush pink clouds against a cerulean blue sky
Light leaking through the trees, casting golden hues on our neighbor’s home
God’s Word that sustains me and reminds me that I’m never alone
Kristin’s written words on Instagram, speaking to a longing and a hurt I didn’t know I was carrying
These four things are breadcrumbs — manna — feeding me what I need for right now because the reality is that we have nothing more and nothing less than this moment, and right here is where God is. Because the only way to face fear is not to run from it, but to invite Love into it. So maybe by holding out our hands and receiving the bread meant only for today — the Presence that can only be received right now — we let Love have a gentle word with what holds a firm grip on us.
The more we practice receiving the present moment and letting love cover our fear of the future, the more we’re able to recognize the manna falling and glory invading. We’re able to behold the breadcrumb trail God leaves leading us right to Him, like fingerprints from heaven all over our lives.
“When we search for manna in our life, we can see God’s hand, whether we are in want or plenty".”
— Meredith McDaniel
I’ve grown accustomed to kneading and proving my own bread, arms growing heavy and tired. But God invites us to walk a different road, one where Bread is already waiting to be eaten, waiting to be received, chewed and savored.
Bread that provides more nourishment to our souls in a single second than we could ever produce on our own in a lifetime.
With you on the journey,
Celia
P.S. There is a Black Friday Weekend sale happening now on my Etsy Shop, The Beholding Co. Get everything 25% off through Sunday!
Life Lately
A Breath Prayer for Your Weekend
Inhale: Give us today.
Exhale: Our daily bread.
(adapted from Matthew 6:11)
*If you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, download this complete digital guide to practicing breath prayer.
Resources & Good Things to Pick Up
My Etsy shop, The Beholding Co., offers contemplative resources to help you slow down, seek still moments, and behold God’s presence with you in the everyday. Purchase some breath prayer cards, a Lectio Divina bookmark, and more. And good news, a Black Friday Sale is happening all weekend long! you can get anything you want for 25% off! So grab some Advent resources or stocking stuffers for your friends.
Last year, I wrote an Advent eBook devotional and it’s now on my Etsy shop again, along with some Advent-themed breath prayer cards. If you find yourself wanting to make more intentional space for Christ this Christmas season, I think these resources will help:
Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon. If you’d like a free 3-day sample of the study, reply to this email and I’ll send it right over!
My friend and licensed spiritual director, Kari Bartkus, offers an 8-week journaling program for those who want to process their grief and trauma with God within the safety of blank journal pages. I’ve completed the program myself and can say confidently that it was incredibly impactful and healing: Journal Gently
An Invitation to Pause & Reflect
A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.
Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s) or prompt(s):
What has a firm grip on you right now?
How might you invite Love to come and sit with your struggles?
What would it look like for you to receive the Bread needed for today?
Is there a practice you could cultivate — like the journal prompt offered above — that would help you behold more of God’s breadcrumbs in your life?
