Writings of a Beholder 🌿 11.11.22
Coming to the table with my hard story & other resources for your weekend
Weekly writings of a beholder 🌿
November 11th, 2022
Today marks a very special day.
Today, November 11th, 2022, marks one year ago when my husband decided to get sober from his struggle with alcohol. I’ve not shared this part of my story before, and I’m honestly a bit hesitant to share a small bit of it with you today because it feels like such a personal, vulnerable thing.
But our stories are what connect us. They’re what make us real, human people and when we share them, we’re choosing to invite others to sit down at our table; to come as they are and bring their struggles, sufferings, joys, and wounds, too. Sharing the hard parts of our stories points to the glory and goodness of God, reminding ourselves and others that He is faithful and will continue to be.
So, to Him be all the glory on this day and every day after. And may you see His glory in your own hard story.
The past year has been filled with so many ups and downs. Moments of suffering met with moments of great, unexplainable hope and joy. Tears, laughter, rebuilding, refining, and restoring. God has been so faithful and I know He will continue to be, even in ways I might not expect.
As I sat down this morning to reflect on the past year and all that God has done and will continue to do, my heart felt called to rest in Psalm 62. It’s not a very long Psalm, only 12 verses in length, and I would encourage you to read it in its entirety sometime this weekend if you can. But for right now, I’ll share with you the two verses that I’ve continued to go back to.
"Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." (Psalm 62:1-2, NIV)
A consistent struggle of mine in this journey of sobriety with Max has been trusting that God is in control, so I don’t have to be. That He is enough, so I’m not required to be. That He is the only One who is capable of changing hearts and restoring lives and marriages, so it doesn’t depend on me.
I can choose to bear the weight of the world on my shoulders, yes, but I don’t have to. There’s another invitation here, a door No. 2, that I’m invited to step into if I so choose. And He always gives me a choice.
And that invitation, that door No. 2, is to find rest in God alone.
Trials and suffering have a way of refining you if you let them. They have a way of showing you the hidden wounds within your heart that need to step into the Light. They have a way of revealing struggles you didn’t know you had or at least making you more attentive to them. And I’ve learned that in the midst of those battles, in the middle of the fiery furnace, you can still choose to find rest in God.
So when the fear threatens to steal your peace and you feel the tug on your soul to take back the reigns of control, you can choose to enter into His holy rest instead. You can choose to believe that God really is Who He says He is; One Who is faithful and loving to the end, and beyond.
When your reputation is destroyed and your heart is shredded into a million pieces, or a person you love is downward spiraling and you see it so clearly so why can’t they, or when a child gets diagnosed with a terrible disease and you throw up your hands in anger and grief and wonder if God is really present after all?
Or when the man of God you love so much falls prey to a substance designed to addict and ensnare him and you wonder if there’s hope for a new way forward?
I can tell you God is present, and there is Hope because that Hope has a Name and His Name is Jesus. Not Celia. Not Max. Not you. But, Jesus.
Alpha and Omega.
Beginning and End.
The Great I Am.
Prince of Peace.
Jehova-Rapha: The God Who Heals.
This is where your Hope lies; this is where your soul finds rest. This is why you step back and let God step in.
Because El Roi sees you, hears your heart and the way it hammers with fear and pain and loss. And He whispers to you tenderly, gently, holding the door open, “Come to Me, Beloved, find rest in Me, alone. I will make a way so you don’t have to.”
I don’t know your hard stories, friend, and maybe you find yourself in the middle of one right at this very moment. If so, I’m sorry for the pain of your struggle, and I’m with you at the table of suffering.
And so is God, and because of that, because of His very presence within you, your soul can find rest in Him alone.
I will tell you that all the times over this past year that I chose to surrender when I would’ve rather controlled, God moved in ways mightier than I ever knew possible. So this is my hard story, friend. But it is also my story of Hope and of Him.
As I read Psalm 62 this morning, my heart filled with joy. Not because my circumstances right now are good, but because I realized that even if they weren’t, I would be ok.
Even if and probably when something in this crazy life crumbles again to the floor in a shattered heap of mess and broken tears, my soul can still choose to find rest in God alone. I can still choose to walk through His always-open door of Peace.
A breath prayer for your weekend
breathe in:
Our Father in Heaven.
breathe out:
Hallowed be Your Name. (Matthew 6:9)
*if you’d like to learn more about the practice of breath prayer, check out this blog post I wrote titled, How to Use Breath Prayer.
Resources & fun things to pick up
Over the past year, I have found it extremely helpful to process my hard story with believers who are older and wiser than I am. One of those people for me was my spiritual director, Deb, who I cherish so much. If you’re interested in meeting with a spiritual director, here are a few links that will take you to online directories so you can find one: Leadership Transformations INC., Coracle, Transforming Center
Want to know more about spiritual direction? Check out this blog post I wrote explaining what this practice is: A Beginner’s Guide to Spiritual Direction
Emily P. Freeman on The Next Right Thing podcast shared a 3-minute prayer of gratitude this week that I found to be a perfect pause in my day: An Unconventional Gratitude
Writer, Sarah E. Westfall, hosts an Instagram challenge every November called Liturgy of the Little Things where each day you pause to pay attention to the little beauties and God-winks in your life, write about them, and then post them on IG if you’d like. Even if you don’t have Instagram, it might still be fun and good for the soul to give it a try: Liturgy of the Little Things
Advent is only a few weeks away and you can purchase my new Advent eBook, Be Still & Know: Seeking Still Moments in God’s Presence this Advent Season, on my Etsy shop! You can also grab a pack of Advent-themed breath prayer cards to help draw your heart deeper into Christ this Advent season: The Beholding Co.
Grab a copy of my Bible study, You Are Beloved: a 21-day study on how to root your identity in the love of God, over on Amazon.
An invitation to pause & reflect
A regular practice of reflection helps us recognize what’s going on beneath the surface of our souls so that we can name it in the Lord’s presence. Because as we learn to name what we feel, what we need, and what we long for, we’re also learning to discern the Spirit’s sweet, gentle voice within our hearts and lives.
Take a few moments today or this weekend to journal or contemplate with the Holy Spirit the following question(s):
What hard stories has God faithfully brought you through? Pause, reflect, and praise Him for His goodness.
If you’re in a hard story right now, how do you see God’s Love faithfully following after you? Craft a list and go back to your list often, praising Him for what He’s done, doing, and will continue to do.
Rest in His goodness.
xo,
celia