I’ve never been a fan of the dark. As a child, I would chase away scary thoughts of the boogeyman coming to get me in my upstairs bedroom at bedtime or hide under the covers when a loud storm hit in the middle of the night, convinced that the darkness combined with the chaos of the sky was my inevitable downfall.
As a child, the dark of night revealed my deepest fear — the fear of being harmed and controlled. And it revealed my deepest longing — to be safe, to be held, to be whole.
Now that I’m older, the darkness scares me in a different way. It’s not the boogeyman I fear or the crashing of thunder and flashing of lightning in the dead of night. It’s not literal darkness that scares me now, although sometimes it can be a bit unnerving.
It’s the darkness of soul — of waiting, of not knowing, of woundedness — that frightens me now.
This kind of darkness has a way of illuminating what lies at the very depths of me; fear, doubt, shame, pride, regret, what might’ve beens, and open wounds.
In all honesty, I wanted to approach the Advent season this year without the darkness. I wanted to focus on the Light and allow God’s presence to envelope me so tightly that I could all but ignore the light-less parts of myself.
But God doesn’t work that way. Even in the dark nights of the soul, even in the fogginess of Advent, He comes close and invites us to come as we are. The invitation is not to focus only on the Light, but to acknowledge the dark and Name the One, the Light, Who sits there with you.
I was reading Luke chapter 1 this week and resonated deeply with the story of the angel Gabriel coming to Mary and telling her she is to bear the Son of God.
“The angel said to her, ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. And now, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you will name him Jesus.
Mary said to the angel, ‘How can this be since I am a virgin?’ The angel said to her, ‘The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be holy; he will be called Son of God.
Then Mary said, ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.’ Then the angel departed from her.” (Luke 1:30-31, 34-35, 37-38 NRSVA)
As I sat and pondered these words with the Lord, I wondered how often our own darkness is actually the overshadowing of the Most High. I noticed, too, that the overshadowing of the Most High — of the Lord Himself — caused Mary to remember who she was, ‘Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.’
Let it be.
Let the darkness of Advent be.
Let it overshadow you as the hunger and longing for Hope build within you until Light comes pouring in and all around you.
The womb of Mary was dark as the Son of God was formed, and there’s a sacred forming that happens within us as we sit in the blackness of night with Jesus. As we learn to let the darkness be what it was intended to be; an overshadowing of the Most High and the only anecdote for our tired and weary souls.
Here in this dark night of Advent, you can bring your questions, hurts, longings, dreams alive or dead, wounds open or healing, all of who you are or maybe all of who you thought you would be by now and sit with the Holy One Whose Light is the only One that has the power to restore, rebuild, and remake broken things whole again.
The only Light Who can bear your questions, hold your longings, and wrestle in the dark with you.
This is the invitation in the dark of Advent: to notice the One Who sits in darkness with you.
peace be with you,
celia
A Place to Ponder
What light-less or wounded parts of you have you ignored or pushed aside? How might you sit there with Jesus this week?
A Blessing for Light
Over the last year, I have found it extremely life-giving to borrow words or prayers, or blessings from others. I’m doing that here, sharing with you borrowed words from John O’Donohue’s To Bless the Space Between Us in an effort to give language to the longings within ourselves. I pray they bless you and keep you.
Light cannot see inside things. That is what the dark is for; Minding the interior, Nurturing the draw of growth Through places where death In its own way turns into life.
Advent Resources
Does the Holiday season usually leave you hurried and harried? Are you longing to be hushed by the Holy this Advent season? If so, check out my new Advent devotional, Be Still & Know: Seeking Still Moments in God’s Presence this Advent Season, here: Be Still & Know Advent eBook
You can also grab a pack of Advent-themed breath prayer cards to help draw your heart deeper toward Christ this Advent season: Advent Breath Prayer Cards
This week on Beth Ferguson’s blog for her Advent devotional series, I contributed an article inviting you to come as you are this Advent season: Advent’s Invitation to Come As You Are
I had the huge honor of talking with Kari Bartkus this week on her podcast, Love Does That, about the practice of stillness and silence with the Lord: Entering the Silence and Stillness with God
I created an Advent Spotify playlist this year that you can listen to as you prepare your heart for Christmas. The overall vibe is very moody, quiet, and indie… you know, the usual: Advent Spotify Playlist
I had been holding on to bitterness for a long time and now I'm ready for God to deliver me from loneliness to find a Christian husband again. Thanks for your prayers.